Well, todays been quite the day.

I went shopping with Amanda today. It was fun. I think I may have begun to prove to her that I'm serious this time and that I do want to make things right. She actually kissed me again. It felt right as it should.


I'm happier than Ive been in a couple of weeks.

hehehe

TWL,ATWL<3

I fucked up again. Sometimes I shock myself at how stupid I can be.

Why are people actively trying to avoid me?

My own roommate won't even freaking speak to me. (but that's a different story)

Am I really that bad of a human being? That I am to exiled out of existence?

Why not burn me at the stake with all of their sins, so that they may be cleansed and pure and rid of blemishes in their lives.




That's all I am. A blemish in someones skin.

"I slept, and I woke up. I think its gonna be a good day."

Thats what I said to myself as I jumped up out of bed to realize I'm late for work. Do not fear though, for I am here. Everything seems to be fine so yes, todays gonna be a good day.

Thanks to a special someone in my life I believe I'm closer to finding closure in this ordeal. Even if I'm not as close as I was, then I still wouldn't care. At least I've gotten over it enough to be able to sleep.

Well I have to make cake batter ice cream. I personally don't feel like being here, but I need the money and everyone else needs a break. TWL,ATWL<3

"I know it sounds lame and cliche', but time heals all wounds."

It's true. I'm slowly pulling through this. Everyday it gets a little easier but then again its still just as hard if it had just happened. I just need someone here with me. its seems like I'm dependent but I don't care. I can't function or sleep when I'm not with someone. Right now I have no one. I mean I have my friends but I always have them. Thank you. You know who you are. I love you. But I have "no one". and its noyt ;like I can just find someone and just move on, but its not that easy for me. I personally believe I'm not that good looking or cute or "hott" or anything. I'm just normal. PLus to add to it, apparently, "the only girls that think I'm cute, are the ones with boyfriends."

I don't know. I can't stop listening to this song, and its calming me a bit. Its a good song. He's a good singer. I like his style. I need to "step outside" for a sec. I'll post sometime tomorrow.

<3




Brett Dennen – Ain’t No Reason

There ain’t no reason things are this way
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way,
We do it everyday.

Preachers on the podium speaking of saints
Prophets on the sidewalk begging for change
Old ladies laughing from the fire escape, cursing my name
I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same
A window and a pigeon with a broken wing
You can spend you whole life working for something,
Just to have it taken away
People walk around pushing back their debts
Wearing pay checks like necklaces and bracelets
Talking 'bout nothing, not thinking 'bout death
Every little heartbeat, every little breath
People walk a tight rope on a razor’s edge
Carrying their hurt and hatred and weapons
It could be a bomb, or a bullet, or a pen
Or a thought, or a word, or a sentence

There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I don’t know why I say the things that I say,
But I say them anyway

But love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set my free, yes.

Prison walls still standing tall
Some things never change at all
Keep on building prisons, gonna fill them all
Keep building bombs, gonna drop them all
Working young fingers bare to the bone
Breaking your back, make you sell your soul
Like a lung is filled with coal, suffocating slow
The wind blows wild and I may move
But politicians lie and I am not fooled
You don't need no reason or a three piece suit, to argue the truth
The air on my skin and the world under my toes
Slavery is stitched into the fabric of my clothes
Chaos and commotion wherever I go
Love, I try to follow

Love will come set me free
Love will come set me free, I do believe
Love will come set me free, I know it will
Love will come set my free, yes.

There ain't no reason things are this way
It's how they always been and they intend to stay
I can't explain why we live this way,
We do it everyday.

I'm slowly dying. I've come to realize that without an essential thing in my life, that I can no longer exist. I am slowly ceasing to exist in this fragile world filled with fragile hearts.

I'm slowly slipping back into my depression. This isn't good and the worst part is, I can't stop. I'm all alone and I need help but no one can help me. Only I can help myself, and I'm not strong enough.


I'm not strong enough at all.........

What makes me tick like so? Why do I flare when angry? Why angry at all? I've never been happier yet I feel so evil inside. Its like something is lurking inside me wanting to get out. What should I do? How do I stop it? I am scared under these sheets alone and yet I wish not to bother anyone else with my worries. The pondering shall continue.

I am a Dumbass. End of story.

I fell down at work today. Like I was sliding along the floor and I hit a dry spot and I fell. It was embarassing. Cause Amanda was laughing for awhile. But at least she was happy. End of story.
*starts new story*

I love Amanda. She has literally made me the happiest guy on the face of the Earth. and thats no exaggeration. <3333333333 :D

So its been 1 one week as of today. Ive never been happier. and Im not even kidding.<3

So last night me and Amanda went to the Springstead Homecoming Game. It was really weird being back there again. But oh well. I got to see a whole bunch of old friends. It was fun. so back to Amanda. This girl is amazing. She makes me so freaking happy is ridiculous. Yeah. I know. You're jealous. and you should be. :D

she said yes. Thats basically it. :D

Ok. So now my manager knows whats going on. Its not good. Cause now she'll never let me live it down. Yeah so apparently I was making it really obvious. And to add to it. I made a huge fool out of myself yesterday right in front of her. I went to pick a fudge bottle up and throw it behind my back. When I went to do it though, I let go to early. The fudge didnt go into the air, It went in a straight beeline to the backroom door(which was open). She just looks at me and starts laughing uncontrollably. I was soo freaking embarassed. So thats my story tonight.

ok so today has been a busy day so far. I woke up today to buy my NBT6 tickets to find out that I didnt have enough money to buy them. So I had to run to the bank and deposit 100 bucks. While there I saw Tally-uh and e talked for like a kabillion nanoseconds(roughly around 5 minutes). Afterward I went home and bought 3 tickets. Then I just check the mail. and guess what.

MUTEMATH!!!!!!!! yep. My cd finally came in. Its really god. a lot better than I expected it to be. Im really happy. all I have left to do today is go to work at 4 and to figure out what concerts I have planned for the next month. :D

is that I love you.


“Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.”

I'm supposed to be in my Macro Econ class right now. I decided not to go. *Gasp* Jason is skipping? Yes. Me and little red riding hood are skipping through the forest on our way to gma's house.lol. Nah. I just didnt feel like it. End of Story.

Ok. So I just got yelled at by my sister because I said two words. Lip. Ring.
Yes. Its true. I am getting a lip ring soon. I dont know when, but I will be getting one soon. I just have to mainly wait until I move out of my house. But yeah. I was just wondering what everyone thinks about it. I know that I may pay for it in the long run, but I want to do something new with myself other than cutting my hair. I believe this will be a great experience for me and I am going to do it whether or not my family likes it. I'll have a picture of it on my myspace in some short time.

Well alot has been going on in my life in the past weeks. To anyone who reads this, I welcome you to my mindful toughts and senseless rabble. Most of this stuff will either be me explaining whats gouing on with me or as what you people would classify as emoness. I hope I will actually take the time to make this useful.

So theres this girl. I've known this girl for roughly around 3 months now. This girl is gorgeous in my eyes. I want to tell her. But I can't. Certain things keep me from doing so. I'm torn between a lust of something and a respect for someone. I can't get her out of my head. The more this drags on, the worse it gets. Everytime I see her, I feel a pain inside. Yet at the same time, A warmth fill my soul and soothes the pain. Seeing her smile makes me feel like a child at a fair. I don't even know if she even knows I exist when it comes to this type of situation. I mean I can talk to her, but when I look her in her eyes, I melt like butter. Oh the agony, oh the torment. Why must you haunt me so? The letters of thine name are strewn across the midnight sky in the brightest of lights. Oh how I wish I could make you mine...